


A Brief Recollection of a Troll Once Know

by DragontheDragon



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A one-shot for my sister, F/M, Sadstuck, You're Welcome, arasol - Freeform, i figured why not both?, who just really wanted Sollux and who ships Arasol a lot so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 07:07:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4010515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragontheDragon/pseuds/DragontheDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are starting to think maybe you're okay with it, but then you remember what day it is and remember the sweeps past. Many of your memories have faded like names have. But you remember some things. You remember your friends, and you remember a rust blooded girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Brief Recollection of a Troll Once Know

Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR and today you turn TEN SWEEPS OLD. A long time ago, you REALLY LIKED COMPUTERS. When it came to CODING there was no one in PARADOX SPACE that knew more than you. You were a fucking MASTERMIND. You were a TOTALLY SICK HACKER. Back then, you felt like you could do BETTER, for reasons OUT OF YOUR CONTROL. You were- and are- a POWERFUL PSIONIC.  
  
Your name is Sollux Captor and though today is the anniversary of the day you wriggled your way out of an oozing egg, there is no one for you to share this information with, or at least no one who cares. Once you really liked computers, but now? Now you are one. You weren't supposed to be. At the start there had been hope, despite the voices. Then, you'd foolishly believed in a better future for yourself, a place among the stars for you to rise to the top, to become the best of the best in the fields in which you had believed you (sometimes) excelled. It had been the wish of a child wanting to ignore the universe and the doomed and dying, that hope. You should never have trusted anything but the voices.  
  
There is a light that flashes across the room from where you are attached to a ships mainframe. You don't really know the name of it, because to a computer names are useless.Only your own remains with you, either because you are too stubborn to let it drift away or because you have more sanity left than you think. You are pretty sure its the former instead of the latter. The light flashes every five minutes, and there is a small portion of your brain that catalogs this. You use it to keep track of time when it isn't annoying you. Sometimes you want to use all your strength and destroy it, but that would be a futile effort. All of the energy you produce is used to power the vessel you guide, following the orders of the highbloods that input your commands. There is no arguing with the instructions given to you any more. The machine has become so much a part of you that doing what your told is as automatic as breathing.  
  
You are starting to think maybe you're okay with it, but then you remember what day it is and remember the sweeps past. Many of your memories have faded like names have. But you remember some things. You remember your friends, and you remember a rust blooded girl.  
  
A girl that was morbid and heard voices like you did. She was young- you think you remember being young then too. She played games with other people you don't remember much of at all, and she loved to explore. There was a lot of hair in those memories. She had a lot of it, it seemed. But something happened, because you don't remember her as anything but young. Something you did, but can't quite recall...  
  
 Electricity surges through your veins and you writhe in a pain that you are long since used to. It triggers some animal instinct, causing a different sort of surge to run through you. Power is drained from you, off to be used somewhere on the ship you think you caught a glimpse of once, when they caught you. You remember being on the run nearly as much as you remember the rustblood, but you feel angry when there is enough energy left for you to think about it.  
  
Strangely, you remember her there. Her face, so young, amongst older faces. People you used to know but who's faces have long since become blurs. You remember arguing with her. There is a feeling attached to that memory. It is.. sadness. You were sad. Maybe you are still sad, but you aren't sure why. What about a muffled memory of a wriggler should make you feel sadness? What about her caused you such.. guilt?  
  
More currents come to shock you and you lose your train of thought momentarily. The light across the room blinks twice, and you ask in a hoarse lisp if it knew what you had been thinking of. It didn't respond, because it was just a light that sometimes, very briefly, lit up the darkness  which you inhabited. But it is the closest thing you really have to a friend, and somehow asking out loud pulls you back into the fogginess of your memories. You were thinking of the rustblood girl again, wondering why her face, one which you remember so clearly, made you feel so many things.  
  
Maybe you loved her once. This stir of emotions she elicits from you even now seems sort of.. red, you think. You liked so many things about her, and hated a few as well. But there was more to hate about her after... after what? God DAMMIT why don't you remember?  
  
Angered, you struggle uselessly against the machine in your head and the biowires binding you to the ship. It was this bullshit that was keeping you from accessing your memories! Without it you would be free to know your own past and remember this stupid little girl! You just want to know what happened to her! Was she alive? You craved to see her alive for no reason you can distinguish. You want to see her smile again but can't remember why she stopped.  
  
You remember hollow eyes and a bored expression. A sudden dryness that left a bad taste on your tongue and made the voices in your head give you bad ideas that you disregarded as best you could. You can't remember, but you try your hardest anyway. There was a sea of dark curls crowned by equally curled horns and you remember someone laughing.  
  
The laughter was familiar. It echoed in your head when you tried to sleep and taunted you when your job demanded you stay awake. It was cold and cruel. The laughter of a kid brushing off murder that didn't mean anything to her and even less to society. Its there, on the back of your mind. The name of the girl and the reason she taunts you, the reason another girl laughs at you because she knows. She knows what happened to the rustblooded troll and you don't. You want to! You want to so badly, no one could possibly fathom it!  
  
The next surge is unusually strong. You scream in pain, something you haven't done since they first hooked you up, and the power you give off in response is so intense you can feel blood run down your face. This time you have not just lost your train of thoughts, but the tracks that lead to it.  
  
The light blinks across the room.  
  
Your name is Sollux Captor, and you feel like you're forgetting something.


End file.
